omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
