I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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