i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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