i just had sex bonerless
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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