Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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