Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
