how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
