He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
