he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
