I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
