We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize