I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
