they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
