Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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