Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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