is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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