We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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