guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
