How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
