Umm I'm too high to move.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
