She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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