So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
