I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
