Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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