im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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