Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
