I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
