you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
