names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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