Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
