i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
