Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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