nut hugger
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
