Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
