Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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