Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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