I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
