i already hear my dad disowning me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
