My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
