I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
