do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
