I looked at my own cervix.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
