Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
