have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
