whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
