Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize