there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
