can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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