don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
