I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
