Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
