Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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