im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
