Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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