I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
