Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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