There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
