What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
