It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
