i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Randomize
