we have pet lesbian snakes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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