Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
