My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
