...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
