I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
