remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
