I have demons in me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
