I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize