it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
