I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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