i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
