If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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