So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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