She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
