hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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