It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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