the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
