My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
