a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize