she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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