Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
