Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
