When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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