Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
