just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
