It's like God shit irony all over that family
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
