I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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