My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
