i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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