Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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