i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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