Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
