He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
