I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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