It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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