also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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