We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
