I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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