You're completely useless in the revolution.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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