How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
