I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
